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It is not always best to stay married for the children

If you feel alone and unhappy in your marriage, chances are your spouse is feeling similar emotions. You may have reached a stage where you are unable to communicate effectively, or you have drifted apart. If the idea of breaking away and starting a new life is something you entertain more frequently, you may even be investigating the laws regarding divorce in New York.

Whatever the reasons for your unhappy marriage, before you take steps to end it, you have an important factor to consider: the children. There is no question that the breakup of a family can be difficult and disruptive for children, so you want to make sure your decision takes every possibility into consideration.

When is it better to leave?

While it may seem cliché to stay together because of the children, some psychologists believe it is best for the children as long as parents can communicate civilly and avoid disputes in front of the kids. However, this means both you and your spouse would have to commit to the sacrifice of postponing your happiness, perhaps for many years, for the stability of the children.

Certain child experts suggest that remaining in a loveless marriage is better for the children than even the most amicable divorce. However, this is a very personal decision. You may feel you and your spouse can make it work until the children are older, but some factors often suggest it is a wise choice to divorce sooner rather than later, including:

  • You know you and your spouse will not be able to maintain a positive front with the children.
  • You have no hope of reconciliation.
  • You have already tried counseling and therapy.
  • One or both of you have found someone new.
  • Your spouse refuses to consider staying together for the children's sake.

Of course, if you are in an abusive marriage, your children can derive no benefit from this situation. Whether your spouse is violent with you or physically or verbally abusive to the children, such an atmosphere exposes them to harm in ways child experts are only beginning to understand. There is always the potential that your spouse could find effective help to control his or her violent impulses, but until this takes place, a separation is almost always the wise parenting choice.

For guidance and assistance with decisions regarding your divorce and child custody matters, you may benefit from seeking the advice of a legal professional who will have access to resources for your specific needs.

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Hall, Ricketts, Schuller & Gurbacki, P.C.
471 Main Street
East Aurora, NY 14052

Phone: 716-243-3515
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